Thursday 15 September 2016

Unboxing the Idiot Box

Have you ever thought of throwing your phone (the new age idiot box) and yourself off the grid for a while? After having tried it for a while, here goes the liberating yet vicious cycle:

When the world becomes a small place but you don't let it shrink to the point of developing a tunnel vision.

When the information at your fingertips isn't as enriching as the knowledge earned through exploring.

When your bucket list runs deeper than a checklist.

When the surroundings hold more gravity than 4G.

When you'd rather check it out than check-in.

When your senses capture more than your camera lens.

When a sight stays whole & vivid in your mind despite the filters.

When the experience makes you more eloquent or more speechless than hash-tags.

When you tap your fingers more to the rhythm of the world than on the screen.

When a paperback adds more dimensions to the reading experience, literally & figuratively.

When laughing isn't as passively mute & short as its acronyms.

When the scope of 'thinking out of the box' is not reduced to the one attached to your hand.

When you don't feel handicapped without that extra "limb".

When that "limb" gone malfunctioning doesn't throw your world into chaos.

When the very thought of its absence during a crisis makes you question your smartness for leaving behind the idiot box in this big, bad world.

And that's when you revert to the small world.

Cheers,
An enslaved hypocrite who just expressed it all through that very idiot box

Thursday 1 September 2016

Animals on Social Media (Part-3)

-The protesters-

Animals at the zoos wish that they had more restricted profile views & privacy settings because they don't want humans stumbling across their profiles and "reporting abuse" anymore.

The wild cat family is outraged that while being an endangered lot, they are multiplying by the dozen on snapchat.

The social butterflies wish the facebook memory feature could accommodate their short life and function in terms of days & months.

-The wanderers-

Bat: Damn GPS and check-ins. Never thought humans would catch on with our tracking ability with such 'sound' features.

Cheetah: I disable my location services on a hunt. Wouldn't want to give myself away to my prey because of a stupid check-in!

Bear: And those humans talk big about going into hibernation. Ask me!

Eagle updated his travel blog.
Snail: Recommend some places within a yard damn it!
Eagle: Why don't you just get onto your device, switch off the internet and slide along the map? You'd at least make it that way.

Dog: To hell with wireless & GPS! First I lose my trees, and now my poles & signposts.

Birds: We feel it more pal. Try being grounded in the cities.

-The selfie brigade-

Octopus: I'm the selfie king. Multiple angles, multiple devices, you name it.

Elephant: My options are quite 'truncated' as compared to you.

Frog: Talk about being literally tongue-tied while taking a selfie.

Tyrannosaurus rex: Thank goodness for selfie sticks!

Chameleon: And photoshop too! At last, I can make myself stand out.

Panda & Zebra: Amen to that & Prisma!

Snake: Damn you all!

Anaconda: Stop throwing a 'hissy' fit and try cover photos mate. I can finally flaunt my long, dark & handsome self, cheers to panoramas!

Cobra: Thanks for the recommendation buddy! Just uploaded a cover pic of mine with my hood poised over a mongoose as my profile pic. Makes me look so savage!

Owl: Who needs those 360* photo apps when I can work that with my head?

Duck: Speak for yourself; I'm on a sabbatical from selfies. The duck-face is so cliché.

-The online shoppers & reviewers-

Coyote's review for Acme products:
Not worth a star! 100% guarantee of trapping the roadrunner?! Yeah, right. Would have given a good rating if I were a masochist.

The Grasshopper: Hail Amazon prime. Why toil like those ants when winter's stock is just a click away?
Ants: You'd understand only if you looked up fitness apps & trackers, lazybum!

The chicken finally found the purpose behind crossing the road and the answer to the chicken-&-egg problem on Quora & Fauna.

-The workaholics-

Ant: Our enterprise rocks at team-work. Not to mention the connections on linkedin.

Bee: Good for you. The humans have made us go through so many mergers & acquisitions. They even use the connection to the Queen left, right & centre. Talk about twisted nepotism!

Lion: More than connections, it's raining endorsements from the hyenas for my hunting skills. What a sly pack!

Kangaroo: I just offered them the deliveroo services- our pockets at their disposal.

Crow: Mine is the most underrated profile on linkedin. So much for doing my bit for the environment! No connections, no endorsements or recommendations whatsoever, that too after being such a great nanny to those selfish cuckoos!

Meanwhile, the fish upgraded to linkedin premium to stay ahead of the corporate sharks in the bigger ponds.

-The serial daters-

Why limit the mating to a season when there's Tinder?

Cheers,
Just another social animal